Friday Gauge Check: Researching Bolivia

It’s time for our Friday rituals, the ceremonies of escorting one week out and preparing the next one. Which, around here, is the Gauge Check, where I take a look at my week and figure out where I’ve come from and where I’m going. Sometimes there are goals, sometimes I just talk about what’s going on in my life and my crafting. You are all welcome to join in in the comments.

Here’s another flower from last week’s meanderings with my mom.  This one is from the breathtakingly beautiful gardens at The Grotto, a Catholic sanctuary in northeast Portland.

So I can’t really tell you what I did on Monday without some context.

During my first marriage (in my early-to-mid twenties), I wanted to have kids.  Not many – one or two. My husband, though he was six years older than I was, said he wasn’t ready.

At the time, though it hurt, I was willing to accept it.  I was young.  We had lots of time.

Then Isabel swept into my life, and I was very glad that I didn’t have any children. Honestly, if I’d been a mom at that point, I wouldn’t have left with her.  I probably wouldn’t have even met her.  I don’t know where I’d be today.

But at that point, I was glad that I didn’t have children.  During those long years of storm, I convinced myself that I never wanted children.  I embraced the label of “childfree,” though I never bought into the vehement culture of hate you occasionally see in that crowd.  Children were great – for other people.  I liked other people’s children just fine.  The fact was, the idea of trusting Isabel with a child horrified me, and since I couldn’t fathom being able to get away from her, it was easiest to push my dreams of motherhood away as fervently as possible.

 A few months ago, I started noticing small children.  We went hiking in Washington Park, and I noticed a couple with their small son riding on his dad’s back. Coming home on the MAX, a dad with his two daughters, excited about having visited the zoo.  I started thinking about sharing the world with a small person.  I started thinking about how great Jack was with kids.
We discussed it, slowly, hypothetically.  We compared parenting philosophies, endless rounds of, “What do you think about?”  Do you pick up a baby or let it cry?  Stay-at-home mom or working mom?  Discipline, schooling, even our philosophies on controlling access to books.  I’m sure we missed something, but what we were looking for was fairly basic – were our ideas in line with each other?  Could we be good co-parents?  I talked it over with a good friend who had a child of her own.  He checked books out of the library and pored over them.
Eventually, we came to the conclusion that it was something we wanted to try.
The route we decided on, for various reasons, was adoption through the foster care system.  On Monday, I attended an orientation, the first step in the process.  There will be a lot more steps, but we’re on the path now.  With luck, and faith, it will end with a daughter of our own.
Wish us luck.
Then on Tuesday, I got a call for a two-day data entry gig.  I ended up working Wednesday and Thursday, which is more than I’ve managed since I left my crappy customer service job in February.  It’s movement, and I feel good about it.
Meanwhile, I didn’t get much crafting done this week.  Some of it was working, some of it was just the heat.  During the three-hour orientation meeting, I knit a little bit on my second Gnarled Oak Cardigan sleeve.  This evening, we took the MAX into Portland to have dinner and go to Powell’s, and I put a few rounds on my second Diamonds and Cables sock.  I unraveled the first sleeve of the sweater I’m taking apart, filling a bobbin.  The sweater has a serious halo, so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to unply it, but I can always use it as-is.
I finished two books, both of which were rather dissatisfying. Kiera Cass’s The Selection, which is a cool idea with unfortunately forgettable characters, a world that doesn’t quite make sense in the grand scheme of things (but it might, with some work), and the worst case of “This is a trilogy!” ending I’ve seen in a long time.  (Really.  The only way the ending makes any sense at all is because it’s a single book that got chopped into a trilogy.)  It makes me kind of sad, because I really feel like the book could have been very good if it had more work put into it.  The CW is looking to turn it into a TV show, and, um, that says a lot about it.
The second book, Defending Jacob by William Landay, was one I picked up because of the 2 Knit Lit Chicks podcast. I didn’t care for the narrator, I wasn’t crazy about the prose stylings, and I really didn’t buy the ending. At all.  No spoilers, but I don’t think he made a good enough case to make the “twist” ending make sense.
Next week:  more spinning.  Figuring out what the July project for the Year of Good Intentions will be.  Bringing my camera out again.
So that’s been my week – and my thoughts over the last few months, really.  How are all of you?  Check your gauge, or leave me a book recommendation, in the comments.

~ by Amber on July 14, 2012.

3 Responses to “Friday Gauge Check: Researching Bolivia”

  1. I’m so excited for you guys!!! I hope that everything works out! Loads of luck! Eeeee! ❤

  2. GOOD LUCK TO YOU BOTH! I know you guys will make great parents.

  3. Yes, good luck. That’s really exciting. 🙂

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