Friday Gauge Check: Live From Las Vegas!

It’s Friday night, Christmas Eve, quarter to eleven at night, and I’m sitting by myself in a Denny’s on the Las Vegas Strip, eating a salad. It’s more than a little surreal, kind of sad (I miss Jack a lot), but incredibly sweet at the same time. This is what freedom tastes like; this is life after Hurricane Isabel.

Last night I drove up from Phoenix, and when I got to the signs for the Hoover Dam, I realized I hadn’t been in that physical place since the summer of 1999, and literally everything had changed in my life since that point. I was ignoring so many aspects of myself, pretending to be normal and happy. Even at that point, I knew I’d made a mistake in marrying a man that I liked but didn’t really love, but I was hoping it could be enough. (It wasn’t.) I was 22.

I spent the day with my mother, discussing the hurricane we both lived through.  It was really good.  We’re having a great time otherwise, too.

This week has been really stress-intensive.  Last year I managed to do NaNoWriMo and Yuletide; this year I didn’t even try to do the former and I struggled with the latter a lot.  (I didn’t actually struggle with hitting a thousand words this time, and I ended up writing two different fics, but turning one into an actual story was difficult, and I’m not totally happy with it and I don’t know if my recipient will be either.)  Trying to get everything done before I left town, and get all my Christmas knitting completed, was hugely challenging.

I’ve really struggled with creativity this year; I felt like I drained my reserves during NaNo, and I just haven’t recovered.  I don’t know what to do to fix it, either.

Anybody have any suggestions?

My goals for the week are pretty simple: make it to the new year.  Hope 2011 is less challenging than 2010.  Get some rest.  Read a little.

I think I’ll get to work on that resting thing right now.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

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~ by Amber on December 24, 2010.

2 Responses to “Friday Gauge Check: Live From Las Vegas!”

  1. You’ve been plenty creative this year, just with yarn.

  2. I’ve really struggled with creativity this year; I felt like I drained my reserves during NaNo, and I just haven’t recovered. I don’t know what to do to fix it, either.

    Anybody have any suggestions?

    Not really, but if you get any good ones, do pass them along. 😛

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